sekian lama menghilangkan diri...

'what have you done?', she asked herself.
she just realised that 7 weeks had zoomed off since 11th july.
she's wonders and wanders...
amazed at the fact that she can still wake up in the morning, breathing, get herself up and going...
going, going, gone...
are the times where all she had to worry bout is getting on the train in time for classes,
what groceries to get,
what to cook for dinner,
when to backpack during winter and spring break,
what to write in her next mail to her special friend when he replies,
when will be the next time the postman comes with a mail for her...
will home be the same when she gets back
etc...

...

she realised that she had been trusting herself, relying on her strength, wanting to do things her way all these while...
'sin?? it's not that serious, is it? not to the extent of being called a 'sinner', she thought to herself.
but, somehow she felt that there's a voice, telling her she need to stop, pause, think, and reflect...
'who do you put your trust in? yourself or Me?' she heard.
'if it's Me, then why are you worried, anxious and all stressed up?'
'Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.' said the Voice.
'You must be kidding, rest? Now? Impossible! I have this and that and more of those coming and if I dont do something bout it now, it's never gonna end! Rest, yea right!'she answered back.
'But dont you know that all I ask of you is that you come draw from me, instead of looking to men for encouragements?'
'Dont you know that the very fact that you get discouraged at times is because that you put your faith in men instead of Me?'
'Do you know how it breaks My heart when I see you feeling dejected, disappointed all because of another men's work, and how you didnt even thought of running to me for comfort while I was there all along?'
'Havent I promised you that nothing, neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor heights nor depth, nor any other created things, shall be able to seperate you from My love, which is in My son, Jesus Christ, your lord.'

there she was, standing...
this grace undeserved, but yet He chose go through it, for her sake.
for love's sake, obediently He went through the crucifixion.
what breaks His heart most is not the deluge of pain, but the rejection, from those who were the very reason He came in the first place.
tears rolled dowm her cheeks.
He was forsaken, so that she could be forgiven.
He was condemned, so that she would be accepted.
By His stripes, she's healed.
He Himself took her infirmities, and bore her sicknesses.

...

she realised that sometimes, life is like a bowl of garden salad.
she likes the lettuce, but not the celery,
she loves tomatoes and cucumbers, but not the onions(raw ones, yucks),
she likes the occasional alfafas, but not too much,
french dressing, saute garlic, thousand islands, or plain mayonnaise,
ceasar's, or whatever names you call them.
some have bits and pieces of cheese and bacons in them,
but in all, thank the One who created them, made them grow,
sent rain, and provided everything.
you have got to have the 'bitter' part in order for you to 'appreciate' the sweetness in life.
wait, she's not making any sense in this, is she?
but the most important thing is that she came to this conclusion,
'I'm more precious than all these, am I not?' she realised.

then...
with a grateful heart,
she wrote it all down in her journal she called 'my love story'
not wanting to miss one bit details of her 'love story'
with a smile...
a regenerated mind,
a recharged spirit,
this girl knows that she's greatly blessed, highly favoured and deeply loved,
not because she deserves it, but simply becaused she's szehwei, whom Jesus loves so very much.